Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
