i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
