You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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