she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
