How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
