Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
