party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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