Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
