I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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