I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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