i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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