but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
This house was built for laser tag.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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