Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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