Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
