would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
