She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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