I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
and she was petting her beer can
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
