I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
