who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
