WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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