Betty ford says i'm here all night
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Randomize
