i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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