Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
