Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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