i'm signing you up for texting rehab
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
