just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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