it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
