My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
