gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So much rum. So many feels.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
