Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
