I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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