Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
