i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The adults are the big ones right?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
