Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
