well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize