She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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