Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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