I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
