I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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