I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize