I hate all girls vehemently.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We had to coat check the pizza.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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