I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I will be naked everywhere
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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