True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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