Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
