if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
