I think I am morally bankrupt
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
