And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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