Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Randomize
