Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
