Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
