I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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