She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
