My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
