I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
