I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize