I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize