I wish my penis had an off switch
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
