I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
