Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
