I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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