I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
