Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Randomize
