lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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