Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
