Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i will never coherently bang her
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
