Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize