He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
