I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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