I love black thongs
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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