why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize