I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I love you. Go after that dick
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
