This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
