Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize