As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
