Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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