I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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