ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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