I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
