when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
