It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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