no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Bring me that man meat
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
