my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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