oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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