I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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