I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
