so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
