thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He felt like a one man threesome
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
