Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Did you just see the Batmobile???
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Someone signed my nipple.
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