Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
