Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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